just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
