My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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