He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
