what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
