I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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