i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize