i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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