there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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