capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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