I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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