I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
