You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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