So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
