im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
