i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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