He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
