Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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