She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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