I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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