If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
