Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize