I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
