So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
