now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
