Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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