I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
