i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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