Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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