I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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