I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
