Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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