Can i not drive my cunt home
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
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