Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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