I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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