I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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