just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
organizing the empties. That sober.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
