my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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