hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
