You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
