saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
