I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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