Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
