Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
