I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
