i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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