i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
