is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
