Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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