New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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