Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
