I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
