i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
