I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
