last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
