omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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