Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
