woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize