Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
