remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
