just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
