i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The Olympian is in my bed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize