Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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