Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
splinters make it hard to masturbate
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
