yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
