Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
