That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
