Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
