is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
