I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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