Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's the barista slut.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
