I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
