ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
