Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
