people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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