I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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