Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
